3:54:00 pm

"Haba! What is it na?!", a lady hissed as we stood in the queue waiting our turns to get into the BRT bus. Some sighed, others(including myself) discreetly placed their thumb and index finger on their nose, forming a sort of peg to hold back this stench. Yes, someone had let it out. Someone had polluted the air(fart). This scene is not strange to us. It happens almost any and everywhere which is quite wrong. Don't misunderstand me though, if you are in the comfort of your home, whether alone or with family, it is allowed. Although a lot of people still have their reservations about this. Even those in relationships (courting or marriage) feel a certain way about this issue. It has even been a source of debate on Twitter (Twitter Nigeria). Some people are of the opinion that if you cannot fart in the presence of your partner, then you aren't a trustworthy person. While the others say they would rather spare the other that awful stench. Well, I believe that if I am very comfortable with a person, I would let it out as it comes.(Dear future husband,take note :D) But when in public, please keep it in for a little while. A number of people would say, "abeg,mess no get toilet" (There's no toilet for farting) But this is wrong when you're in public. If you didn't know, know now that there are fart etiquettes. Yeah,you read right, fart etiquettes.
By all means,try,just try not to fart in public. But if you have to, the best course of action depends on the situation. In the event of a silent fart(those really smelly types) at a social event, leave promptly as you fart. It takes a few seconds for the fart to diffuse out of yours pants or underwear, so if you move quickly, nobody will notice. Also, in the event of this same silent fart at an event where it's hard to get up and leave(such as a lecture), wait about 20 seconds after you smell your own fart, and then gaze around you as if wondering "Who farted?!". With the 20 seconds delay, the people sitting next to you will think that the fart reached you after them, meaning that the fart didn't come from you.(some people knew this scope way back in primary school. Lol!) In the event of a noisy fart, you're probably out of luck(hahahaha!!!) If it's raining outside, you can try to mimic the sound with your shoe on the floor so that others will think that the first sound was your shoe as well, then proceed with the options I previously mentioned above. Of course, try to learn to fart silently (lol!)
Then I asked myself these questions, "Why are certain farts noisy? Do men and women fart differently? Is the practice of holding in farts harmful?" So as usual, I did a little research and these were my findings;
Why are certain farts noisy?
The noise is produced by the viberation of the anal muscle, due to the velocity of the gas expulsion and the tightness of the sphincter(an annular muscle surrounding and able to contract or close a bodily opening)
Do men and women fart differently?
Women's farts tend to have more odorous gas than men's farts. Men's farts have higher volume of gases and according to a research(not mine), this evens out the farts between the sexes by smoothening out the odor molecules so that one gender's farts do not smell worse than the other.(so it's a tie :p)
Is holding in fart harmful?
This doesn't seem to be harmful. Yet, there will be repercussions. Holding in farts can lead to stomach cramps.
Fart as you please but not in crowded public places. Try to hold it in or follow the guides(scopes) I listed above. So let it out! After all, it's part of life.
xo, Evita.

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  1. Enwefah on point! Nice write up but I hope someone is not trying to remember someone by this? Lol

    1. Hahahaha! Thanks Sonia. I won't answer that question oo! *lips sealed*

  2. Very Informative n Entertaining dear. #ThumbsUp😊

  3. Lol nice write up, Evita ths fart bizness serious oh

  4. Lool u made my night can't stop laughing always a pleasure reading you

    1. Hahaha!! Thanks for stopping by Yanes.I appreciate.

  5. I have learnt so beware when I come around


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